July 25, 2011
16:41
Went to all day punk show on saturday. Friend kept hugging me so much it made me feel so good. Kept telling me she was haPpy I was there. Went hiking with her on Sunday. And I could go for seeing her again today. But I won't tell her that. I recently became aware of how calculating I have become. I choose what to hide. I hide how desperate I am to see people. How alone I often feel. How much I want to feel alive. Its amazing I ever have any form of sexual activity considering how pathetic I am. But maybe its because I hate being smothered, that I push people away when they annoy me. AlsO when they hurt me but that's different. Stayed indoors too much today. Felt anger then like crying. Waiting for friends to call because I don't want to be the on to call. been easier to connect to people more lately. Feel like that new York friend opened my heart in a way. I wish I could thank her in some way. Doing laundry. Have to get klonopin prescription but nervous. Have to extend AppleCare warranty but scared. Have to return an item through post but scared and unsure. Had a Mcflurry and feel a little like barfing. But that's okay. Have to call amazon about another return but scared too. Thanks for being my dairy.
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