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July 04, 2009

dear dairy
lately i keep feeling jerked around by this relationship i have found myself in because it is not truly my relationship
depending on how this ex dude treats her, she gets all flipflopped about whether we're taking it too far or whatever
and it sort of dilutes everything about our relationship, to the point where it seems like nothing more than a little glitch on her way to happiness with this other person. nevermind the happiness that can be found elsewhere
so first she told him she was seeing me, and then she told me she fucked me, and then when i talked to her, she called me darling, or sweetie, and i told her not to call me that because it is just confusing when she keeps putting us up in the air
and she said she calls all her friends things like that, but i am not all her friends.
this whole thing is just fucking stupid and i should be the one to stop it before she can go back and forth anymore. i told her it wasn't fair how her ex kept going back and forth with how he treated her, and it's not fair to me how it trickles down to me and im drinking stormdrain whater.
i took my dog for a walk just now, and when i came back, i realized how purposeless my life seems right now
im sick of this sick of it!!!!!!