Are you ok
September 3, 2022 •
While driving away from my mom's house, walked the annoying dog, I thought to ask my bff if she's ok because the last time I thought she dumped me she wasn't ok, and she said that's one thing I could have asked before assuming she dumped me.
I think she's okay. She's online. She's doing things. She's eating food. But just the possibility of messaging her made me excited, like I had just decided I'm opening presents tomorrow. I don't know why. Because I don't think she has anything good to say to me. I don't think she likes me. I think if she wanted to talk to me she would just talk to me. So trying not to get euphoric about talking to her. And trying also not to go off on her when she says yeah i'm fucken fine. Don't want to drag myself into an embarrassing spiral that she gets to witness. I just need to drop it if she's fine. Ugh. and I'm still unhappy about everything that made me unhappy before she even dropped me, still insecure, destabilized, envious, wrathful.
but it still makes me excited like a dog just to think about talking to her.
I don't know why it's like that when so little interests me, so little of the world seems to be left for me now. Maybe why it feels like my world's ending to not hear from her. My island is devastated.