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August 4, 2022
been taking me so long to get out of the house. its 19:20 now which is better than lately. just occurred to me maybe this is depression even though i just feel lazy or unmotivated or just want to stay in the house, organize my computer, look at tits. i have to convince myself each time that i'll feel better after running even if it seems pointless and impossible at the moment and even if i'm so late that returns are diminished. each day, i have to convince myself that it helps. like my memory is wiped every time i sleep

hard to talk to my friend lately and i don't know why. i feel really low value and talking to her kind of feels like talking to someone who dumped me for a better person. i don't know why. i don't think anything specific has happened. its just hard to talk and just seeing messages kind of feels bad and stressful. like i'm looking at an ex's marriage photos or something. and i don't think anything's changed. but there is the whole staying indoors all day thing so maybe its all just depression all the same thing

would like positive feedback
hear something good about me

feel like i don't exist again and have no connection with her
forgot to mention we started talking when i thought we'd never talk again. that made me really glad. so glad that i didnt even feel like updating my dairy.
feeling low lately though