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August 12, 2021

I didn't sleep enough, maybe four hours. I dread events because I always worry I won't sleep enough. Since I couldn't fall back asleep, I spent the first half of the day in Apex, then picked my vehicle up, then went to be a software tester for the first time. I was nervous but I am glad now that it's been done and I think my level of awareness is good and oriented toward providing such feedback.

Exhausted afterwards though and would like to go to sleep but obviously after a couple of hours without my phone I have to check the bullshit slab and see some fat chick on IG posting that SF is making it illegal to have events with non-vaccinated people, so no Death Guild for me and every day seems like another fucking escalation, that's what scares me, is that this hole doesn't seem to have a bottom and that it doesn't bother THEM because they're in the cultural revolution and they LIKE it even though it contradicts the basics of being American and drags everyone it touches down to Hell.

And an e-mail from Gab entitled "The Total End of a Free Society". Okay. Thanks.

I'm too connected.

The lockdowns and weird mandates and society-wide rituals seem embarrassing and dirty to me. It reminds me of when I get super horny and say something and then get scared to check my messages the next day. Like the mandates are the fetishes of perverse minds and we're basically helping them orgasm. When I think of it at all lucidly it's like insane, like what is this weird shit that went from a fairly normal case of distancing from each other to control the influx of sick patients into hospitals, to over a year of that, but more and then more and then more so it's never stable and the prospect of dying seems more normal and manageable than another sad elderly person walking alone on the side of a road with a shield on his face or kids in circles or masks with holes cut out, or more threats and celebrities telling us to get the fuck over it and do as we're told.

So I'm not going to sleep; I'm going to run the trail to outrace the anxiety of tiny horrors that emerge daily from this New World Order. New World Horror.

One thing that was cool in the software testing building was when they gave me a printout with my name and number on it and I asked if this is my new name and the guy didn't get it but the chunkette who just showed up did and she liked it and mentioned it again later and the vibes I instantly got was that we could F. So that was cool and now I understand why so many people in tech get in trouble for overhugging or being inappropriate. I wanted to overhug her.