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September 29, 2019

Thinking about how wrong things have felt for years. Everything has seemed bleak and meaningless and uncomfortable. Think there's something to what my friend said about never recovering from the betrayal from my mother. Was kind of like my friends told me I'm no good, threw me away, mom told me I'm no good, threw me away, I got fatter and older and even on good days I still see an ugly person, and the world told me I'm no good. I'm not sure how to be anything more than this because I relied on people around me for a lot of feedback I don't have anymore.
Now I just live in a house with people I don't know because that's what you do, and I try to control my rage constantly, but I don't really feel real now.