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February 21, 2017

I want to go out now but moving feels like a burden, and encountering other people feels burdensome, driving feels burdensome, finding parking when I come back. I may feel imprisoned by my new fat supervisor. I may go out just for a moment

My new fat supervisor went to circus school which you would think would allow him to see that good things come from spontaneity, but he wants every choice I make to be bogged down in bureaucracy and in passing by him first. His presence, it appears, will only be to enforce what has been put in place. He also pulls attention away from the rest of the park. He wants me to be a clown. But honestly I think it won't matter at all soon. One of the management i actually liked is gone. The main friend I made on the job is moving to another street so I may not see him anymore. And the person who works the control room who I actually respect is quitting. But she might be around still. Nonetheless, if the structure of the place is as dismantled as it appears to be, and what they put in its place continues the trend of disrespecting us, I'll be gone soon. I need to believe that. This is a dead end place. A dead end job not because of the nature of the job but because of how they treat their employees.

I'd like my days off to be days off. I would like to stop fixating on these horrible things, feeling that the second half my weekends is just waiting for the guillotine to fall.

So that should change soon.

One thing I may miss I haven't even started is that I would like to start going to little presentations next door. A music school/studio is closer than I thought. Someone I follow on youtube works there I think, and as long as I work here I'd like to sign up for whatever guest artists they have. Just to feel inspired. To be around people who share my interfests. Break this fear.