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February 21, 2017

Writing from a club because I didn't think it would be good to spend many more moments in my room.
They're playing ich bin ein auslander by pwei which I could be more in line with twenty years ago because maybe I was just too young to see it, but the left didn't seem to be this pro fascist nanny state unit that punished hate crimes. Now the track is disturbing for that reason, especially when he says freedom of expression doesn't make it alright, which might be true. But silencing voices is worse.
New supervisor at work is a joke, and he's the worst kind of joke because he sees himself as superior to those around him, making every choice the employees make appear to require an endless bureaucratic maze. This is bad for me because one of my pleasures on the job is finding the most compatible but elegant solution to organizing the park seating. I actually put a lot of thought into it because the work is not inherently mentally challenging. So. I enjoy anything that allows me to problem solve. But in his opinion my work makes it look like no one works there, like it's sloppy, and he expects me to go behind the bushes each morning to get the chairs even though I've heen moving them away from the bushes for that reason. Because I don't want to walk through shit. Literal shit. Anyway. It's depressing and demeaning and a 64 year old who has been with the company for over twenty years says to get out. I think that's keeping me going. And maybe having people trewat me like shit is good for me. Because it means i have to believe in myself. Not sure that's how it plays Out though.

I'll complain more about my new fat fuck supervisor clown. But I'm going to try to actually be present here tonight. I've been waiting I go out.