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January 31, 2017

I was supposed to go out tonight, and meet a friend or more, but woke up at 3:33 am to nothing in particular.

My shoulder blade really hurts. I don't feel like writing.

I feel like my time is just for being treated like shit at work and dressing like an asshole, and making my asshole brother happy. Since I didn't go out now I can prioritize moving my possessions out of my friend's car that has been in the driveway too long so that my friend can move his car.

My dad talks about it like it's a problem, and now it's in the way of more development my brother wants to do in the yard, development that will surely cut corners and be poorly implemented and possibly dangerous. But that car helped me when I had to live in my car, when my brother wouldn't help me. It allowed me to have storage for all my bedding so that it wasn't sitting out attracting thieves. My car was broken into once while I was living in it.

I have had more energy lately. It's been a long time since I went out on a Friday night. It'd be nice if I could go out Friday. I doubt I'll feel up to it. I just want to reclaim my life. I feel so lost. But I feel so controlled. I woke up and felt like my job's management was just looming over me, baring their teeth, like a nightmare I had woken up to.