September 05, 2016
05:37
I woke up feeling more like my preoccupation with a person who isn't worth being preoccupied with is more disturbing to me than anything she can do.
Which is a feeling I am nervous about confronting. Because it means abandoning her. And like I said, I never intended to abandon her.
Instead of watching American Dad or
Family Guy or some other cartoon, I just put on Dexter season 7 a few minutes ago. It feels almost quaint. Because once it was on, I exhibited some of my usual habits, going on certain sites, reading about people's views, looking at girls and feeling more rejection than arousal. When I was last really into Dexter, I wasn't so preoccupied with myself as being inferior (or "problematic") to people via all the SJWs of the internet. I think it's good to reconnect the things that existed before that, before my obsessive checking of social sites, before coveting the young and hot, before making myself feel every bad via these tools designed for people I have nothing in common with, before being preoccupied with a girl too preoccupied with herself to see how cruel she is, before my car became a bed, before my room belonged to an obese woman who likes the same things I like, before I left home and did ok and then returned home and before I lost anything that could be considered a home. I want to be wrapped in this show like a comforter. I want to be comforted.
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