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June 18, 2016

I don't know if the pressure helps or if just the lack of money helps, but I got a job. I wanted to get surgery for something that requires a few weeks of recovery, but my mom is bearing down on me every day because she's already rented my room out and apparently that's supposed to constitute an emergency for me. She's already filed a police report from when I pushed the door that she was closing and hurt her hand. She intends to invoke that if I don't leave by the time she wants.

The thing is, that my dad has his name on the house and paid for construction of the deck outside my room which my mother sees as such a selling point.

I don't get why she can't just choose the peaceful options. I don't think she appreciates how important negotiation and respect are to maintaining the things she takes for granted.

I kind of want to pay the $800 deposit back to the person who rented my room, since my mother blew through that money already, but I don't have that kind of money. I don't think it's worth hating her if I can resolve it peacefully. But she doesn't seem to think that anything she's doing will actually harm our relationship. She keeps asking me if I want to get food, and I don't. I don't trust her, I'm not loyal to her anymore. She's a slumlord to me.

I told my dad about my job, and he seems to think it's not the job I should have. He wants me to stay in this house so that the money he's paid her isn't wasted. He wants me to stay in this house so that he can use the rent as an excuse to pay off the mortgage. She wants me to leave the house so she can get more money. She doesn't see that all the little favors she asks of me are disappearing because she has become such a malevolent force in my eyes.
And no one sees what matters to me.