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December 24, 2013

I feel so. Sad. So sad. I have moved from my mothers. After so long. It seems anti climactic. I am still sad. Still unfocused. Still afraid.

My brother flew in tonight. He was drunk. It was funny. Jack in the boy. Went home to our mother. I carry the cat because I can't give her the attention my mother deprives her of everY day. Mother hears the cat meowing. Says to my brother she doesn't want that cat in the house. Brother carries out mothers order. Thought when he saw I was carrying her he would realize it's. Ok. Instead he keeps coming at her. She is scared. She falls to the floor and he grabs her by the tail as she panics more than she ever has around me. Throws her out. The cat knows the feeling of being unloved more than ever.

I walk the dog. I try not to. Because I've been sick and physical exertion does a number on my throat. But he kept coming up to me. So patiently. And so I walked him up the street. He blends in with the bushes. Joining the bushes. We return to moms house. The sky is so clear. A jet streaks across it, its tail becoming indistinguishable from the star patterns. If you don't look carefully. I think of how beautiful this universe is. So incomprehensibly beautiful. And there is still pain. Still our lonely animals.