August 17, 2021
I was looking forward to talking to the secretary about how much I hate my schedule and how sad I've been because she knows the situation and takes issue with the manager, too.
Her questions about my life made it seem kind of obvious why I get emotional, feel lost, unmotivated, hopeless. A lot of times it seems to come from nowhere and I'm never sure what is real or imagined. Asks about my rental: "I rent a room and basically use it as a kitchen, too."
About mom: "She throws garbage everywhere, which is exacerbated by her health problems and I learned to be passive and dependent instead of how to work, hence why I lived in my car for six months in her driveway and haven't built a life I can return to after work."
About my sibling: "Choked me, called me an invalid, tells me I'm going to Hell, going to pay, threatens to call the cops on me, tells me it's my fault my mom's house is a mess, threw food all over my car on Christmas."
Kind of made me feel less weird to say the stuff out loud, like it makes sense that I feel like a small terrified bird when I do anything.