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July 16, 2021

Alex Jones broke my mind yesterday in a podcast where he said something completely obvious and predictable about how a lot of seemingly random changes in famous people are brought about by insecure creeps who get off on making calls and objectifying people in the public eye by making them say what they want them to say, under threat of social ostracization or whatever ways motivate people who have enough money not to be bought off with just money.
It's really messing with me because I recognized how dynamics in entertainment seemed to empower a small whisper network or losers to essentially cripple powerful corporations, but it was just really creepy to me and stuck with me because of how much of the customers' feedback hasn't just been ignored or drowned out by people who lose these companies money, but that it's likely by design by people who get off on exploitation and humiliation. Like we're all part of their weird fetish that extends into every facet of our lives from our genitals to the films that make us cry. Don't like how much what he said seemed to fit reality and explain seemingly senseless behavior.

I don't think we have free speech and I always assumed we did, that the obscenity trials of the past are relics of a stupid time and everyone who enjoys this freedom wants it for everyone else. But it seems to stop depending on what you do with it, like depending on what you do alongside what you say, you can end up celebrated by thr corporate class or just be held in solitary confinement.

I know there are good and bad periods and you're lucky if you get a good one and you do your part to make it to the better one if you don't. I always hope by the time I die, it'll be during a good time but I'm trying to make peace with the idea that that I could become one of those people in solitary, that I could end up part of a cohort that is deemed unfit to enjoy privileges afforded to us by the corporate class, that I could die in order to reach a better time. It's not that I think I'm so important—though I could use a little more ego, to believe I'm at least a little important—but more that I won't be surprised if technology's ability to categorize millions of people could just be a step on the way to mass incarceration for those who are made criminal by the world changing around them.

I sound paranoid of what's to come, but my past anxieties are alive today, the nightmare's heart is beating.