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February 17, 2014

i guess there will be six people living here now. hopefully only temporary
i feel very childlike lately. not in a good way. just like i'm looking up at everyone else with this sense of idiotic naivete. i like video games so much. but a lot of people like video games. but i feel guilty for it. like if only i got what being an adult is like, i wouldn't be so into the fantasy worlds.
a lot of tension in the house tonight. angry cats, angry people, and there's a new person coming in, and i'm angry about that. he's taking up the last bit of space.

i've been feeling badly a lot lately. a lot of gastrointestinal bullshit. i wish the food i eat tasted the same way it made me feel. i don't understand portion sizes and stuff. like i don't get how it's natural for people to stop eating with any long term goals in mind. it seems like an impossible amount of processing power would go into deciding how to eat. i think a lot of people are kind of trained so that it's second nature. i don't think i ever received that training so to think about portion control is almost like an exercise in vanity. it's so unnatural to me. i think it's unnatural to a lot of people and that's why obesity is so prevalent.
i hope that i still enjoy escapism when i work. i hope my creativity thrives in tandem with my escapist fantasies, so that i never have to look upon them with disdain when i learn to love myself and love the moment i'm in.