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September 8, 2022 • 21:49

Following up on my last entry. My emotions are more intense than usual, more like before the time that numbness characterized everything. While going over the last one, I listened to Minute of Decay and then kept listening. Reflecting God as I drove to the track. It's really satanic but I closely identify with it. So maybe I'm demonic even though I'd like to be Godly. That beautiful woman on IW was talking about how we've been indoctrinated for one hundred years into self-destruction disguised as pleasure. Considering how much I reject the results of that indoctrination, my affinity for Marilyn Manson is unusual, and at odds with the direction I think society should be moving. In spite of the overt satanic imagery, and in spite of the layers of artificiality that they are wrapped in, I think they are altogether less satanic than common politicians, county supervisors, fat chicks who call someone's boss and hound them on social media to destroy their job and make them kill themselves, the director of the CDC. I think the most satanic stuff is the most mundane and hideous. I think MM made the beast's final form look like it would be hot chicks and drugs, and I still value those things, but maybe the final form is lying, telling people you're looking out for them while you take everything that gives them fulfillment and a sense of belonging, telling shitty jokes and making shitty art and guilting people about how they should like it to fit in, to accept and enable rape and murder if it's politically expedient and favors an outgroup. I see that stuff every day. Maybe it is just relative, maybe MM isn't good, and when cool evil goes on long enough maybe it decays and rots and becomes cringe. Ideally I would personally have a stake in the whores and skip the cringe evil. I don't know though. There are elements of MM's music that hit me because they seem to describe what the world has become. I liked how MM seemed so meaningful and profound and supernatural back in the day, and I still want to believe, but everything I heard about Mr. Manson suggested that he's a gifted artist and business person (the latter of which I saw as bad before but really what's wrong with finding purpose and enjoyment in navigating financial systems and profesional settings when you get to also integrate your really bizarre art that would normally seem mutually exclusive from a business acumen), and that their most meaningful imagery was outsourced, perhaps cynically. He is also a very cruel person, I think. But I can tolerate that sort of intimate eccentric cruelty much more than the pedestrian cruelty and mindless piling on that happens in people who never experienced life without an iPad feeding them bullshit.

But somehow their music seems prescient. Maybe because he tapped into a lot of history. I ignored it back then. I just wanted the emotion. People have largely been successful in discouraging artists from using Hitlerian imagery in their art, because people have this retarded vision of a tyrant as one guy in history that other mini tyrants follow, rather than a trait carried in hideous politicians who encourage their constituents to walk headfirst into destruction. Yeah it's not a huge swastika flag, but evil isn't going to keep coming around in the same clothes. Evil is in people who choose to hold office instead of becoming serial killers, or maybe they do both. People who talk about murderous public figures tend to be the subject of extensive lawfare, so it's hard to get a nice casual overview of how common that is. I'm just saying that people didn't decide to stop killing or oppressing when Hitler died, and the most bloodthirsty ones aren't going to shout him out, they'll shout him down, attach his name to those who threaten their power, and say that they're on the right side of history.

i don't know how I write this much when I only had one thing to say.

But in Man that You Fear, when he said that you poison all your children to camouflage your scars I couldn't deal. I found that line so haunting and disturbing because it isn't just an emotional thing anymore, it's describing the rituals that parents put their children through. Sometimes when I see kids in masks or elderly people in masks I just start crying because they're either just starting life or they're near the end and I hate for that to be the beginning or end. Or hearing about kids getting cosmetic surgery which amounts to self-mutilation, signed off on by their parents. Hearing that line made me cry too, much more intensely than I would have guessed because it's too much to think about. Too much to hear him say it from the past. Maybe because it could have potentially been stopped but now evil is trivial, it's as easy to commit horrid acts as it is to ask some twitter ideologues and bots for approval. And if a handful of accounts tell you it's the right thing, why not fuck your kid up, why not just hurt whoever you want. Because some fucking accounts told you to. Like voices in your fucking head. People who trust those voices should be treated as questionably as if they follow the orders of voices in their heads. At least the voice in your head might be YOU. though I heard a creepy thing about how they didnt seem to be.


that line makes me feel really sad.