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Bloodied Hand
May 31, 2022
i feel like she dislikes me. she said she doesn't and i assume shes not going to say that just because, figure she'd be honest if she did. but she seems to dislike me. and i figure if i'm so insecure and jealous and she cant say anything to make it better, and she ends up hating me because i cant get enough and then she really has nothing to say to make me feel stronger and more secure, then whats the point. just making it worse if i keep talking. because i ignore it and it plagues every thought and i constantly have to shut up. or i try getting some assurance and she has less to give me the more i try. i wish i felt ok with being alone

today's persistent thought is about how she had no reaction when i showed her how i fucked myself up and had blood running down my hand and about how she went after people who hurt the person she cares about. just repeating those two things in my head and partially blame the new place for making every one of my situations look trite and unworthy of her time or compassion. like just get over it. its a choice so stop feeling that way. your mental issues are made up. stop it. she finally said the thing that makes me shut up around every other person and what made me share my life with her like she was a copy of me that needed me to tell her everything