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Laundry Bureaucracy
March 27, 2022
Dear Dairy
Glad to be off work. I just used office scissors to cut my hair in the bathroom. Never did things like that before, was too scared of fucking it up. It looks fucked up. The ftry surrounding my laundry continues though, and now I'm looking forward to the end of that.

Even though there's a functional washer/dryer I went over a year without using it here because I always felt like an invader, like I didn't belong. Talking it over with my barber made be feel like it's stupid and irrational to be so preoccupied with what people think. You also don't really expect people to be as obsessed with you as you are with yourself.

I started doing it on Saturdays, because Main Female Manager isn't around on Saturdays, and she always makes me feel scrutinized. This story is exhausting to type and I think boring to read so I'll try to make it quick. Short story: it's all laundry based neurosis.

So yesterday I got the washer ready by doing a quick bleach wash just to get anything gross out since people here put dirt, leaves, metal tools, toothpicks through the wash. Lately I've been doing bleach washes, maybe more OCD symptoms since I feel spied on and surveiled here since people talk about how weird I am, managers report me to each other for taking long breaks or breaks in unapproved locations, managers complain about me to people in other departments.

Someone put his shit in after my bleach wash. I tried taking it in stride, but he left a pen in there and ink kept being generated by a sliver in the washer drum, seemingly the nib broke off in there. After hand-scrubbing and employing two more bleach washes with little accomplished, I ran an all-night self-clean cycle and kind of figured this might be good maybe Sunday is a good day to do it and I definitely have to finish before the week because then the scary female manager is here and everyone will squawk about me or do something fucked up that I have yet to imagine.

So I'm ready to go as soon as I come in, but the nice manager, who I once trusted and really liked but recently heard he complains about me too and makes accusations behind my back that I steal his things and use the washer every day even though I use it every day because I run a self-clean cycle almost every day because these animals treat this wonderful machine like it's worthless garbage. And I figure ok that's ok I'll move his stuff into the dryer run quick bleach clean then do mine but theres another load sitting on top and I dont want that person (turns out its him) touching mine so I wait till that'd done to do mine. I think I moved the latest one into the dryer too, and grabbed his dried stuff with a clean bag, which probably pissed him off. It would piss be off if someone did that, if I didn't leave my shit there all fucking day. I don't like touching other people's stuff but I was running out of time and it was the right thing to do because he ended up leaving the second one wet all day in the dryer. And instead of taking that one out to put mine in, I just took mine out of the wash and put it a plastic bag while he accosted me. Because while I was putting mine in the bag he showed up and said "YOU MOVIN MY SHIT" and i said i did and i used a bag over it because I try not to touch other people's stuff too much. Which was half a lie because I didn't have a bag the first time but I also washed my hands before touching anything any time. But I figured that should nullify any conflict, showing that I don't thoughtlessly do things like that. But he was just fucking pissed and typing away at his phone, probably calling a Manager Meeting to complain about me, so they can act like mean girls because I don't leave shit in a washer all day when it's been abandoned. So I asked if he minds if I move his things when it's finished and he's like "i'll get it" and i said ok cuz… ive got all my stuff in this bag and yeeeah just wanna dry it and hes like "i'll get it". ok so if i move it hell be pissed. He still didnt bother fucking moving it until 1-2 hours after it was finished. so i'd say it seems crazy he expects everyone else to wait on him but i think it's just me that isn't supposed to do anything or make sudden movements. at least i know he's not my friend because i didnt understand how someone who seemed cool could talk that shit about me. now i do

so, after work, once hes finally moved his shit and i can finally start drying my things, the fucking glove guy has his stupid gy glove bucket in front of the washer and hes washing all his disgusting dirty gloves so now i'm sitting around the campus, monitoring my dry cycle because that guy is so entitled he does both: he'll move someone's stuff right after or possibly even before the cycle completes.

hearing about ukrainian soldiers shooting russians in the crotch and ripping their balls off. should kind of provide levity or perspective, but it just adds some real horror and despair and anger on top of my laundry neurosis.

people are so hateful to me i wonder if my new rx does things to me i dont notice that make people who once liked or tolerated me fucking hate my guts. or if something in the vaccines got activated and made them see a red halo around me indicating i'm an enemy. or maybe its my new hair change.

i woke up early today which was nice. for a long time i've been so exhausted when i get home and want to GAME or something but always so tired but feel like i'm missing out if i sleep. but i've just been trying to sleep when i get back instead of trying to GAME and kind of a nice surprise that i sometimes still find time to GAME in spite of tired because I wake up early and have this time, and i performed a quick mat workout which is kind of impressive because normally when I mat workout i want to find the perfect thing to listen to and don't want to move and I get so distracted by all the crumbs and crap in my room and get anxious and start sweeping stuff up that it takes two hours. but this time was good and i still had some time left. i felt like i wasted time by not apexing more, but i had to keep reminding myself that mat workout isn't nothing its really REALLY good. so i apexed for a round, got my treasure chest, then got to work a little earlier than usual. apexing in the morning actually seems to actually help me timekeep better. at night i feel like i cant get enough Apex and sleep only drags me away from what i want. but sleeping instead of pushing it and doing it in the morning for 20-40 minutes, especially after working out, feels good.