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March 27, 2022
i liked hearing about my friend's parallel life but then realized i'm not in it. also realized i cant creep on her since she doesnt align with this life or and prefers not to acknowledge it at for the time being. then i realized i feel like i'm just a passive listening in on a stranger's better less lonely life, while theyre still lonely but not alone, and that if i creep on anything it'll be like i'm watching porn on a screen and pretending i'm there. anyway hope that changes but i'm pretty depressed today and there's no one in the world i can talk to about it

i was depressed for a few years since my creeping seemed unwelcome i assumed because everything else in her life was awesome. feel like i'm just going back to that but confirmed for real fading into a fog and forgotten

anyway i hope it changes. i dont know if hope does anything but better than hopelessness i guess

i'm very lonely when only a few small things shift

i hate the feeling at the end of a day where i have nothing to look forward to