January 30, 2022
Went into work today feeling like a mentally disabled grocery store bagger.
Took 1/4 of my Rx just to see if it would help.
I dont know how I'd start having withdrawals so early but maybe a very bad mental state and miserable day just have a mitigating pill now that I didn't have before.
Don't think my friend wants to talk to me anymore. I think I always lose people after a dog dies because I'm too much to deal with when I'm not dealing.
There's a new Voltorb in Pokémon Go that looks very cool. Big fan of this design.
Tried focusing last night without meds and literally kept falling asleep and dreaming. SidnMt feel that way beforehand. Think that sort of thing contributes to why I always agonize about sleep and feel like I can never get enough. once i try doing anything i crumble. hence feeling disabled. i'm embarrassed to work this job but i think my problems probably make it so trying to do anything is so much more difficult than average. so i end up looking the same as other people but at these jobs for retards in this embarrassing way
at sfsu i kind of accepted things are hard and i should just do my best. now i try doing things but i see why i defaulted to play video games rather than ever trying to build something related to video games. why i danced but didnt make music. it seems so hard to do anything at all. and it doesn't seem like banging my head against the wall enough times makes it easier or creates a path to realizing my goals.
Nice surprise after buying new shorts and sweatpants yesternight. Found my lost shorts in my jacket sleeve. So buying new ones was the right decision regardless because now I have a shorts surplus instead of just one short.
Discovered a PC case I actually like. Digital Storm
About to get my stuff out of dryer, put the new stuff on cold good to have washer to exploit