Waiting, with the sound turned off
December 10, 2021
On my run, a mile away from any drugs, listening to DrDisRespect, which usually helps, but plagued by thinking of her fucking somebody else, wondering if they're better than me, assuming they are, wanting to burn all the receipts and hair she left behind, or just throw it away, and still can't imagine just dropping it in the same dumpster with dog shit and fish guts. I wish this distance affected her even close to how much it affects me. I never wanted to be in her life but she dragged me in and and left and closed the door and I'm only left with the void and invasive thoughts about her being touched. I wish I had something in my life to show that I have it great and I'm making a lot of progress and chicks dig me, but I just feel loss, and less dug than ever.
I don't really want to write about it. But it's plaguing me. Like I said. Wish I had some footage of the times we banged so I could just be alone in my room and perv on my leftovers instead of being on my run and just feeling alone and inadequate.
Have to continue running. Planning on drawing before the park closes.