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December 08, 2021
Drove by the planetarium I used to love visiting, attending events even though I wasn't attending classes. I've become so jaded, suspicious, pessimistic, that I kind of forgot there's a possibility it could even be open. LED sign on the way in says masks required indoors. Some cars parked outside the building. Checked the website, and no upcoming events, but you can watch videos about the life you're not living, and they've added a notice to the top about sexual harassment.

It's all the same thing to me. It's the same as feeling alienated like I'm surrounded by cultists when I write about any concerns to anyone within the Company, and they respond with bullshit and their pronouns in their signature, and I realize I have to watch every word I say or risk incurring their self-righteous rage and using me as a mechanism with which to abuse their power. I base that feeling off of everyone on Twitter who does the pronoun thing. They're sadistic. Trump said everything woke turns to shit, and everything seems to have turned to shit, and it all seems to have this globalist throughline, but I don't even know what that means or if I see things as they are because people who enjoy the change always say it's just one thing. When some personality online complains about a million pronouns on a college application, these really creepy socialists respond like it's creepy to care and what harm does it do to you, you reprehensible piece of shit, it's just one thing. And I don't even know if I'm seeing it right because they say it's just one thing, always, and I always see a million other related things, and it all seems a part of some sadistic ideology. I got turned off of left-wing politics when I saw people bashing MAGA people over the head and getting away with it, and I figured that most people just didn't see this, that we all agree this is bad, that we should be fair to everyone, and they just don't get that this is happening, and then it turned out many of them saw it happening, and they liked it, and they wanted more and they had positions within the companies that made games I had once used to escape the cruelty of the waking world, and then the sadism seemed to follow the ideology, into colleges, workplaces, then the White House, and then it turned out the ideology was fine with a million heads being bashed with bike locks, or a million people unable to get a kidney or other types of medical care if they didn't have the right injections, or a million people spirited away from their homes to spend "just two weeks" in a building after two years of being told it was just two more weeks, just a mask, just one thing, and how strange you are for caring about this, and how sick you must be if you won't submit to testing, and how much you must deserve to starve because of how little you care if you won't do just one thing to show how much you care.

So I see all that when I see a higher-up at the job with their redundant pronouns listed, college-educated, white skin, and committed to equity in the sense that they hold the power and eke it out to the people who clean bathrooms. Pathological need to be liked without sacrifice, and we all live under its whims, the whims of people without character, actually sick enough to write soliloquies about how we must all do more while they only ask for more of us with an unspoken threat against anyone who doesn't signal their allyship and do as they say.

Sad to see events replaced with awareness about sex harassment and banners about illness. Like all the stuff about mental health awareness. When you try to fix something, you break so much more, because you're just not equipped to fix anything bigger than yourself, and you can't even be bothered to do that. You raise awareness about ugly things, and all you do is break the things that were once beautiful.

A burning sanctuary. Burning because it was safe, insulated, separate. They saw its potential for safety as an empty place to dump grievance and fill it with the pain we tried to escape.