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December 06, 2021

Listening to EFAP.

Feeling pervasive and difficult to track anxiety because manager said we have two big tasks coming up. Repairing a light on a pole over an unstable surface and dragging some 200 ft thing back and putting a bunch of things in order.

I hate these things so much, not knowing if they'll be too hard, if I won't be physically strong enough, if I'll hurt myself or make some stupid decision, or be too paralyzed to make the right decision, all under the gaze of a person who can fire me.

Planning to start an online training subscription on my next day off. I'm kind of pinning all my optimism on that, to free me.

Been playing RDO with an old friend sometimes. So much fun. Also played Apex with someone new last night. Didn't really feel too comfortable around him for the first few times but he seems like a good dude.