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Blanket of Fog
November 14, 2021
Don't want to speak too soon but I found out that getting something done can be instantly gratifying. A lot of times I have wanted to go somewhere but can't think of a reason why I should and I just don't know what to do. But putting a draft of an e-mail challenging my wormplace's mandates on my calendar made it much easier to keep focused and actually work on at the end of the day. Since my place sucks, I picked up my laptop and drove out to a parking lot near the beach, and it helped give me that thing I'm looking for, somewhere to go besides back to my room, and even though the topic makes me anxious, the work wasn't bad, didn't feel like it was pulling me away from other things, and was a good way to occupy my time there as the fog fell, without feeling like I have to rush somewhere.

Practicing on illustration during time off has apparently helped with it because I became familiar with a feeling of uncertainty, doubt, impossibility before handling the pencils and paper and continuing an illustration, and then subsequently finding that once I begin drawing, it feels very unlike the feelings prior to beginning, more possible and manageable.