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USS San Francisco
September 08, 2021
Drove to the edge of San Francisco because it makes me feel more connected and I think I have a sort of agoraphobia or something. A few years ago it was acute and then I kind of got used to leaving the house, but I still don't like to go far. I have always looked across the Golden Gate Bridge and wanted to be in those hills, but the only time I've gone anywhere near them, I was passing them to go somewhere else.

These outskirts used to seem safe, quiet, and beautiful. The water is still beautiful, the natural parts are still nice, the birds, but now everything stinks of urine. Every taggable surface is tagged. They added more outhouses so that they're pressing against and blocking the Bear Savers, which are overflowing. The trees are spraypainted with people's tributes to themselves.

I checked out the USS San Francisco memorial. List of names of the dead, all men. The memorial is constructed of parts from the battle-scarred the ship. Twisted metal and jagged holes. Can see through the largest to the path below. The plaques memorializing the event and casualties are totally damaged from being tagged and cleaned, because they're at arm's length and everything people can reach here, they destroy.

If they were fighting to protect this place, I don't think it was necessarily in vain. I just think it's an eternal battle against these forces. I used to think we could become like the worst depictions of nazis, in theory, but didn't think it was really probable or that the behavior was lying dormant. I thought everyone in the first world believed that we can't step on people's independence in order to stop threats because infringement is a threat on its own, and creates unforeseeable problems and makes people crazy.

There are new things to fight now. I just wish I knew that while I was growing up, so that I'd be prepared to die rather than just seeking comfortable situations to manage my own issues. I didn't realize the chaos that had overtaken me was a product of an attack on my generation by bureaucratic propagandists.

I resent all the Californians that are so insulated and protected from the product of their politicians that they think the degeneration of the state is acceptable. I feel like my home has been taken from me, and I'm only here to manage what's been left behind. I'm not even welcomed here. I'm not supposed to go into buildings because the political establishment looks at Australia and thinks it's a good start. Fuck these people and their endless permissiveness for destruction and their oppression of people who just want privacy and sovereignty.