September 03, 2021
Left house earlier than usual. Would have been earlier if my iMac wasn't a decade old hand me down that doesn't have any practical use.
Feel like I need to walk my mom's dog every day. Probably guilty over never walking the previous dog when I lived there because I relied on my emotions to decide when to walk him, and I was always depressed. But I don't want to go there because it's a dead end. Just trash piled everywhere, and every time I clean, it's worse the next time, and mom's always in bad shape. And she keeps getting dogs that she neglects and I'm the only thing that breaks their monotony.
And having to manage my dad and his appointments.
I don't think it's appropriate to call my job a form of solitary confinement, but it's hard to handle being so isolated and having no prospects.
Feels like there's nowhere anymore. No escape. Just either in my room or isolated at the job or trying to manage an endless mess from my parents. Games don't feel any different from this monotonous world. They're just vehicles for activism and mocking and belittling anyone who disagrees or doesn't want to be roped into it. Most recently Apex shoehorned in a badge about suicide blah blah blah. Virtue signaling makes me suicidal. It's just another manifestation of the big tech hell world where they tell us how much of our lives mean nothing by the amount of shit they leave out of their self-impressed braying.
Want to look forward to something.