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I Have to Look Up Just to See Hell
September 02, 2021
Friend complaining about new job they got, right after losing another one, being dead-end. It makes feel like I should be depressed because my life isn't getting better. A job like that looks good to me, or at least better, like it would make me optimistic to get, less miserable than what I have been in for years, with potential for better things than always being this piece of shit. Just seems like something has to be better than this.

A lot of things look so much better from here. But the paths out are dead ends, which makes me sub-dead, beneath Hell, in the land of Nothing. So maybe I'm sad because I'm supposed to be sad, because I'm in the place no person is supposed to see for longer than a glimpse.

Trying not to be utterly consumed by this thought. The more consumed I am, the more I neglect to pick anything up, to wipe the dust off things, to change anything at all. Shortly after waking, I started shaking, and I haven't stopped.

Was unusually exhausted today glad I went home to sleep I really needed sleep and now I have it.