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September 02, 2021
Yesterday went kind of okay. The previous day, I had heard Ryan Long talking about success which is usually demotivating because successful people generally look down on unsuccessful people. But he referred to how much of success is contingent on momentum which is the opposite of demotivating because it's kind of forgiving in a way. My guilt is demoralizing.

I got a few things done with the idea in mind of selecting an item from my list and coming back to that item after I get distracted instead of treating the list like an insurmountable pile and flitting from item to item and just freaking out. Want to keep that practice in mind. I often end up looking at what I did before and wondering why I'm not repeating it, rather than just using the completed thing to enable further movement. Yesterday I think I managed to do the latter, and also when there was something I could do, I approached it like something I'll do eventually so may as well do it now because it's going to use the same amount of time regardless. Got some things organized.

Today's not so great. Listening to DrDisRespect to feel less insane so that's why my writing is retarded. Just don't want to be silent because feel all messed up and exhausted and didn't want to leave my room. But the dust bothers me and I know it's important to run even though everything seems pointless and I see no good things ahead. In a McDonald's parking lot. About to head to trail. Keep drinking caffeine to feel tuned in.