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July 19, 2021

Been spending twenty minutes trying to get through two workouts. Every time I go to start, I see ants, and dust, then I go back and I see more. I just want to give up, and I have, but I don't want to live like this, in endless dust from some unknown source. I don't know how to not give up. Trying seems pointless but living here is too uncomfortable and demoralizing.
There are a lot of small tasks I go a long time without completing. Maybe if I completed enough of them a way out could be seen through the tunnel of ants. I don't know, wish I had adderall. I feel like my true form is a greasy fat person in faded cartoon shirts, like if people could see what I am it would make sense that I can't think straight or complete basic tasks. Just put me in front of my cartoons and let me live on handouts, in a dust-free room.