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July 10, 2021

It's the last day of the work week. I like changing my phone case and using the work meeting room table to fold all my laundry and prep my uniforms for next week, while watching shows and things on my phone. A few years ago I lived in my car in a driveway and now I live in a place where I always feel sick and like I can't breathe, and my hours have been drastically reduced for about a year, so I feel even more trapped than before. So I'm a total opportunist when I find an opportunity to use a table in a place alone, and fold my clothes and restore a bit of order to this life because as much as I look forward to getting home, once inside I often feel like I cannot think at all. I think people in management positions notice this and find it disgusting, so inevitably I hear from a more sympathetic person in the organization that I need to duck my head down lower because the management doesn't like how comfortable I get. In the last district, they thought I was abusing my laundry privileges because I was always there, usually washing my hands. I find shortcuts that other people don't use, and it looks very odd. The sink near the washer was closer than the bathroom sinks, and using it made me unusual and they put a big red pin in me. And at the new place, I forgot a soda I left in the freezer, so I drove back ten miles at ten pm to take it out because I didn't want to leave a mess which unfortunately got me noticed. So last week was the first time I just had to rush through my peaceful rituals, and I hated it. And I have to do it again this week. And I'd like to just stay here and watch shows and fold my clothes and wash my car and do all the things I can't do elsewhere. It's kind of ironic I'm on his radar at all because he constantly permits people to overstep the boundaries here and even do stuff that violates the company policies. Criminal and mentally ill people that frighten everyone. But I suppose I'm too much of a weirdo (that sounds extra sarcastic because I added the preceding line after the fact it was not there before, this may be a mark of genius because I did not plan it). I have been asleep in my vehicle for the past hour, about to run, and time runs out because I am being scrutinized.

want to fuck and kind of frustrated.