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October 27, 2019

drivingthrough pitch black neighborhoods to my moms house to get some things.
its so much worse in the dark, and theres more garbage than yyesterday. everywhere. dogs that cant turn around while im trying to get through
the house feels like hell on earth and i havent slept enough
i feel like im from hell and that when i like someone, i'm a monster trying to drag them to hell
and i can never tell them why i seem so disconnected and manic, trying to keep a show going because theres only blackness behind me
i cant tell them because it would require patience to hear every reason i dont work right and it would require someone to give a shit about things theyve never heard about

i wish they could pull me from hell
but no one seems interested