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February 05, 2019

It took me only three minutes to reach one of the most famous cities in the world. From my bedroom where it feels like the world ended and keeps ending even more.
Driving here at 5 a.m. reminded me as it always does, of people whose lives I was once a part of. Mattering is so foreign to me now. I wonder where I even fit in before.
I once woke up on the edge of this city in a girl’s room. I listen to music, Moon, and I think about dancing. I think the older you get, if you don’t grow into something, the more everything important to you just becomes something stupid and old for people to make fun of or ignore.
I remember how cold it was here. Still nights that seemed like they could never end, and I can’t help but believe in some way they’re still out here. Lights through a fog that made wherever I was seem like a diorama. Id love to see some people again, even the girl who punched me in the back in her bed in the middle of the night. It’s cold and I can feel the ocean. I struggle to love games still and think I may have outgrown them, until I go someplace like this and struggle to love anything. Apartment lights in the sky. Talked to someone new. Trying to recognize life when I find it