March 02, 2017|
Another work day. Another day of hard to place anxiety. I think my reduced job functions have made me feel displaced, and also make me feel less capable of doing those functions when they come up. And so I just sit and try to be present as a security presence where they want me. One time my supervisor mentioned patrolling once an hour but that information might be deprecated.
Mostly I think the anxiety is of not having a clear goal here, feeling like I'll be in trouble for trying to follow their instructions. And then the fear of having to regulate when I don't feel capable of regulating. I feel very disempowered and retarded. Like a machine with no instruction set. Just here. Waiting to get in trouble for something, something I don't know. Just another day. Another day waiting for it to end.