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March 01, 2017

Typing in between my job duties. Maybe disjointed. Game developers conference is happening near my work. I don't like how it feels when awesome things happen near me. Because maybe there are people who worked on games I love there. Maybe I'll pass them and not know it. Maybe I'll encounter them and it will be. Bad. More likely I won't encounter them at all and I'll temain separated.

There is a chasm in everything and after I attended playstation experience because it was nearby I followed a bunch of babes online who attended and I realized there is a chasm in gaming culture. A celebrity culture. And I kind of understand those angry nerds who criticize girls for not being true gamers. Which is lame because why does it matter. But it's kind of shitty when you realize you love games at least as much as they do but they're the ones who seem to travel and receive fun things with limitless income. Cuz they attract attention and companies are willing to invest in that.

Which also makes me think about the developers themselves and how there isn't some fantasy that gets realized when you meet them. And that the closer I am in proximity to the people who might make the worlds I escape into, and the closer I look at the gaming industry, the less possible it seems to escape into the other worlds. Because the light of the real world creeps in. Exposing me as a lone person holding a plastic toy, looking at a light emitting screen, and when I feel that pessimistic, there is no escape.

I'm so glad I met Harvey Smith, art director of Dishonored and Deus Ex. He was so kind, so gracious, that his games continue to be beautiful to me. I hope more people in the industry are like him than it seems on the surface.