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August 17, 2016

Chipotle has the worst music to write in my dairy
I hate how everything in my life is seemingly rolled together, so as it comes undone it's just a mess of associations, painful associations.
Fallout with her, a Starbucks gift card with her, sex with her, battleborn with a friend it seems I may never play with again.
Today I realized no amount of drugs could make any of this feel good. Not the ones I have anymore. I'm trying just to cope with feeling pain. Or paying attention to other things. But it's too much. It's too much to transform into something that feels good. All I want is to feel good. I think it's all I've ever wanted, most of all.