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October 06, 2011

too much pain today
I had a nice nap today.
goth girl is making me feel like my body is trying up and becoming immobile. i often feel short of breath, and nearly sick. everything she posts online is self centered and focused on how great she feels, how empowered she is. it shows how little of her thoughts i occupy, and i feel fully sick. i would try removing her from my friends list, but i don't want to wear my bitterness on my sleeve more than i already am. still trying to hold onto some vestige of dignity at this late juncture.
Steve jobs death is affecting me more than i realized initially. at first i felt a twinge of sadness. and now i feel devastated. i met him once. i am grateful for that. i think of quotes he has said and it occurs to me he is not here anymore. he was an anchor for me, something that defined a part of my life. and now i am adrift more than before. i turned on the playstation 3 when i got into my room, to feel something familiar.
an annoying kid at school, his friend died. and i saw this annoying kid cry for the first time.
a man had his backpack stolen from the practice rooms
an older man dating a younger girl found out she was dating someone else.