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September 11, 2011

It just occured to me how abnormal I feel. How abnormal this feels. To be so obsessedwith a girl after kissing her. Thinking about her makes me sick to my stomach, makes me shake, makes me miserable. I feel like there is a god and he is punishing me. He is telling me I do not deserve to love and if I try I will feel pain the whole time, from the moment I leave her until I see her again. She sent me a message telling me she misses me last night. Drunk and getting her groove back she said. Guess she's into doing that again. Jus made me think of how she misses me when she's drunk but always fucking reneges on dates and will just invite me over to watch her work like some animal while she actually goes out and does things with others. And fuck it. I wish this didn't cause me pain. I wish I could just go on being single like I was before and happy to just see her once in a while. But it's not simple like that. Im not simple like that. I get so fucking crazy. People like me aren't built for love. We're built to be stalkers, to be the butt of late night talk show jokes.