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August 19, 2011

Working out hurt too much to keep up tonight. Want to go do something, want a friend. Full on infatuation like last time but I talked to her. Temporary high, having low now. Need stability, need to fixate on someone I can actually be with. Maybe I will never have a stable relationship until I stabilize. Maybe I will never stabilize. She can't offer me stability, but she can offer me the highs that don't last. I kind of feel like she takes me for granted as a person, but maybe that's my insecurity speaking. Maybe nothing's changed, maybe things are better. I can never tell with these things because I get so wrapped up in wanting another fix. Eating a lot today to deal.
just got a text from someone asking me to dinner with her and her friends. i'm so relieved i could cry