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August 02, 2011

At legion of honor I went between two paintings. They appeared to be windows. And then I appeared to be in a window. All of my movements seemed to support the composition of whichever work I was in. And then other people became paintings. And then I felt as if I was on display and I did not like that. Was rear ended on ffriday. Having neck cramping now. Friend made me go go to emergency room. She stayed with me. I fel I owed her.

The next day we went to half moon bay where she whittled wood. Then a bu bit her and we went to the e.r. Where I waited with her.

The er was a sort of nightmare. Horrifying sucking draining sounds cops. All over. A feeling of panic and terror. Code blue. Someone needed to be resuscitated. He whole time I watched this ugly horrifying curtain. Faces in it. Blocks of repeating patterns pretending to be vistas.

Elderly mans wife Fell. He wore a ridicules hat. Claimed the hat is his. Everything else hers. Friend saidthe wife died.

Went to club last night. Originally cute goth girl asked ke to go but I was indecisce. Got mad when at 1230 I went because other friend kept asking. Me to go. Picked up cute goth girl went home and watched Freddy got fingered wither as she snuggled up to me. She used to intimidate me with her cute gothness. And then we were in her bed and it was oddly comfortable. I intended not to have any hanky panky. She has drama and I just don't feel that is where our relationship is supposed to go. But I held her all night and we kissed softly and briefly. I hope that staying away from the hanky panky means I will not be so afraid to be close. I just want her to be my friend. Though her being attracted to me is odd. Never thought I was good enough. Still feel vaguely sleazy since I sort of snuggled up with a mutual friend at the water. I'm attracted to them but I feel like me doing that isn't from that place. But I'm sure part of it is. Anyway I didn't look at much at the museum today but I think I shall head home now. Because I'm tired and have to return some DVDs.