July 20, 2011
10:15
I feel kind of stupid. The signs were there, that my friend is someone who keeps people at a distance, that she'd probably abandon me too. I should have known, since she left her boyfriend to come here, and then kept deciding to stay longer.
Usually I get annoyed when I see people be as blind as I have been. One of the catalysts of he running back has Been her friend ignoring her messages. But I found out her friends phone was lost and I told my friend that. She responded witha half hearted message about how the friend also didn't return her calls. I personally think my friend dust wants an wxcuse to leave. When will she learn she doesn't need one?Anyway
I wrote again to tell her things. I'll paste the msg here when im on a desktop machine since facebook mobile is garbage. But basically. Said that night was like an explosion in my face, I know she has to do what's best for herself and If I felt I could do it I would, but that if she leaves early I'll miss her. It went through a few quick drafts. Tried to be honest in one last attempt to open up. But she never replied. And I figured maybe it'd freak her out and maybe it did but I think I said what I needed to say. Said that I was upset by that night she was cold and said shed leave, said that iunderstan doing what she needs to do but that I will be sad because I feel like I can eo what I need to do. Said that ill miss her. And if that freaks her out. If she thinks I'm trying to hold her back that's not my problem. I've been heartbroken plenty of times but this hurt is distinct because it's about a connection. I think even with my Romantic relationships I realized it was more about affection than connection. This time it was somethingthat seemed to bring my soul back and warm.
I dunno
Its been special
I have a couple friends who tolerate and listen to me but she was unique in the understanding we shared. Agh she just sent ne a message hope it's not bad faaaahh
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