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April 10, 2011

Just got an end of friend letter from one friend which I promptly forwarded to a closer friend.

End of Friend Email: Yesterday your behavior was inappropriate, insulting, rude, selfish, uncalled for, unkind, and lacking in the integrity of a friend. Your behavior hurt me and caused me deep sadness. That being said, I am no longer inclined to continue in a friendship with you.

My commentary:
Weird, I kind of felt like I'd get an email like this, but didn't really think I'd see it. I find it really bizarre and surprising, especially since I saw no obvious sign of offense. And at the restaurant I had discarded my earlier beefs and was having a good time and even smiling. Wonder if I missed her mood change or if she's good at hiding it, or if someone said something that I said that she didn't like.

I guess this isn't so bad. This is kind of what I'm scared of happening if I let my guard down and tell people what I think. I did let my guard down to an extent, and it has cost me a relationship. I don't know if that particularly upsets me. I am presently more upset right now by the thought of seeing her around and feeling uncomfortable about it. I am glad I haven't left anything important at her house, at least I don't think I have. But I think when people are hurt, we focus on superficial things rather than the things that cause us the most trauma.

I guess I could ask her a bunch of the things I have brought up here, but it already makes me uncomfortable to even glance at the email. Having someone format an end of friend letter as if it's a corporate email is kind of disturbing.

At the end of the night she even gave me a bunch of her stuff to carry to someone's car. It'd be stone cold to do that if she knew she intended to write an end of friend letter the next day. This whole thing makes me bristly. Didn't see any signs of it coming. Still had a feeling that I thought was nothing more than a feeling. Maybe I have insights that I don't know about. Maybe someone said something.

This is on the heels of me driving her and her friends around for her party. I was in a pretty bad mood about a lot of things. I had a long day, was verbally accosted by an asshole in a Honda and was trying to help my mom with crisis while making her cry because I was a jerk, too. I felt like a chauffeur while driving this birthday girl around.

I feel like the way she described me was the way she could have been described on many more occasions.