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February 17, 2009

Dear Dairy,
Today I lost all hope. Later she rephrased it so that it was less insensitive but that doesn't matter at this point, because I was told by someone I trust more than most, that I lack the technical ability to do what I want to do and that just listening to classical music is not enough if i want to create it
dear dairy,
and those things stuck with me mos tbecause it seemed to mean that if i don't get classically trained, i won't be able to do anything, and that if i don't have the technical ability, i will not succeed
and now im hearing everything i do as fucking stupid. every note i hit sounds like shit. every idea i have is shit
i have been in this yellow room for too many days with the flu and it iss like i am in hell
my back wont stop burning and i don't know what's wrong with it
everything hurts and at this point, i don't want to do anything, don't want to talk to anyone or work on anything because it's all so fucking useless