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February 11, 2009

I've been having a lot of trouble focusing lately, and I think it might be because my doctor said ADHD is my biggest problem, and now I keep falling back on that like a fat person falls back on fibromyalgia. I sit through classes, and then I intend to get to work on homework, but I just feel like I can't do it, and I end up heading home to eat and wack off.

Lately, I am only relaxed when I wack off. And I'm only happy when I fall asleep with my cat.
A couple days ago, I spent some time in a practice room, trying to remember pitches. I mentioned it to my voice teacher who thinks it's futile unless I have perfect pitch. It didn't occur to me that I was trying to learn perfect pitch. It seemed so easy until then. Now it seems impossible, because it's this lofty goal that has this name that makes it sound unattainable. I kind of wish I never heard that, so I could keep trying without feeling like I cant do it, without feeling a fear of failure.