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December 14, 2008

dear dairy tonight everything is great Earlier in the day, I had my audition for my school's music program. I didn't really want to do it, at all. I originally tried to get them to let me skip it, since I do electronic music and my plan has been to get to the point where I can make that satisfactorily, not necessarily be a great musician, but be a great artist. But they made me, and I am glad that I've decided to go along with that instead of turning my back. I've developed my instrument a great deal over the past few months, and as terrified as I was of going in front of them, it was a very rewarding experience. As soon as I began, I felt as if I had it. And I was worried I'd be too focused on the performance, but I wasn't, and I was able to use my inner turmoil to aid in my expressiveness.

I hope I get in...

afterwards, I practiced piano and decided to go to Oakland to go to my friend's party. I'm super glad I did. I originally wanted to get some homework done there, but that felt sort of strange, so I instead just hid in he rroom until I had to be social, and I got along with gals who used to intimidate me, and one will make me a scarf, and so many people seem awkward in my friend's house, but I feel okay there, and almost jaded in a sense, and that is a nice feeling, too. To feel part of the scenery, as opposed to in opposition to it.

I told my friend about Musique Concrete and John Cage, and i felt satisfied, as if I had become more well-rounded from this semester, and I felt good, and more complete from performing and from speaking and from being there, and feeling like time stopped, as opposed to pushed pushed me again and again and again.

for once, i'm glad i decided to go out instead of obsessively work. nice thing