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November 25, 2006

A lot of things have piled up lately. Like nothing big. Small things. Lots of small things feel like one big thing.

I miss talking to my online confidant. I stopped because she seemed so distracted by these new online buds that every time I talked to her, I ended up feeling shitty and pushed aside. And so it's not like one of those situations where I figure i'm mad for a while and can get over it. It's the sort of thing where I figure that if I talk to her, I'll just keep feeling bad about myself, and pushed aside. And so there's no reason to talk again because I feel like in this case i've been rejected, even if that isn't the case. But I miss talking to her. I don't miss her schizophrenic moodswings, other personalities whatever. Maybe I do in a way. I just miss having someone who feels like a kindred spirit. I guess I'll have to just wait it out.

That teen thing
br>I've gotten so fat I barely fit in the shirt I'm in now.

someone said she couldn't tell if I was cute or not from my myspace pictures. well duh. myspace pictures are people's best pictures. if i don't look cute in them, then i'm just not, ok.

feeling generally fat, ugly, fatigued. Don't feel like working out has been making a difference.

feel like i don't relate. to ppeople.

feel like i've lost touch with their reality. for a while now.


going to change into a bigger shirt

as i was coming back home this jimmy eat world song was playing. it was speaking to me, and it wasn't my type of music, but when a song speaks to you, it doesn't matter what genre it is.

feel ashamed of my ocd, feel like i have no excuse now that my mother knows.

feel so uncool. generally uncool. i want nicer clothes. i want to be remembered. i want to be admired for something. feel like there's no connection. feel like i've disconnected from people and keep drifting further out

i used this itchy soap it made me itchy all day so that made me persistently upset today

and then I called someone to ask if I could play with his Wii. And he got offended, I guess because I ask in a bratty way. And he said he's not some girl with low self-esteen, since he associates that sort of thing with me, and then he hung up on me.

little things. nothing big.

I feel pretty okay now. One of my friends just called me, and he is the sensitive type. so we had a good conversation of faggish proportions