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August 09, 2005

I've been having bad days recently. The fog has been condensing around me, seeming less like a blanket and more like a chokehold.

Today turned out okay, though. I drew a human skull in drawing class. Initially I was sort of creeped out by it, but after a while, I didn't mind holding it or carrying it around. And then I felt like I needed to protect it. It's from India. 19th Century. I imagined it as a French woman named Mary.

I wonder why I felt that need to care for the skull. I wondered why I don't feel that need to care for people as much. Maybe it's the value we attach to symbols. Maybe it's the maternal instinct to protect what can't protect itself, and I recognized the skull as being one of my own.

I talked to my teacher about the thing, and he said how when you become accustomed to it, it's no longer scary or creepy; it's beautiful.

As I walked home, it seemed like Christmas through the fog.